Peace
by bevcannon672
Summary: After New Moon. Edward left and didn't come back for 3 years. He found a completely different Bella. Addicted to drugs and selling her body, could he save her? A/U Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm not usually a fan of the dark stuff, but every now and then I get in that kind of mood. This idea just occurred to me today, and even though it's been done before, I wanted to put my twist on it. What happens after the end is all up to the reader.**

What a great fucking twenty-first birthday. I should be at a party with friends, getting drunk, having fun, but instead, I'm freezing my ass off on a street corner wearing next to nothing, waiting for some dumbass to drive by and think it's worth the forty dollars for a quick fuck.

My high was wearing off way too fast and my stash was just about gone. I wished someone would hurry the hell up so I could at least get into a warm car.

Speak of the devil, a shiny new car had just pulled up and the passenger window rolled down.

"Hey baby, you need a… holy fuck. You're fucking _kidding_ me!" There was no way this was happening. I must be more stoned than I thought. There is no _way_ Edward-fucking-Cullen is here.

"Get in," he said, like _he_ was pissed. He had no right to be pissed with me. I just stood up straight and started to walk away.

Before I could take three steps, he was standing in front of me giving me a death-glare. "I said get in the car, Bella."

"_I must be hallucinating again_." I didn't say a word, but turned around and got into the car. If I was lucky, maybe whoever this was, was a serial killer who liked to kill hookers and I could end this once and for all, since I never had the guts to do it myself.

He started driving and I had no idea what to say. I didn't know where I was going or if this was even really happening.

That's it, I must be dreaming. That's the only way this illusion could know my name. As long as I'm dreaming, I may as well have a little fun.

"So, whaddya' into? For the right price, we can get as freaky as you want."

"Shut up, please. Just be quiet 'til we get to where we're going." He didn't look at me, he just kept driving. He looked so mad, his jaw was clenched tight and he looked like he might even be grinding his teeth.

I kept staring, looking for anything that would prove to me that it wasn't _him, _but the longer I stared, the more I started to think it could really be him. _"Impossible."_

Why the hell would he be here? _He _left _me. _Three years ago to the week, he left me, lying on the ground, crying and dying. He had lied to me, every time he told me he loved me was a lie. How _dare_ he come and find me now!

"Edward?" He finally turned to look at me. _Fuck,_ it _must _be him.

"Bella, please, just wait. We'll be there soon." I was dumbfounded, I didn't know what to do, so I turned to stare out the window. There was a hotel not far away, maybe that's where he was taking me.

Sure enough, after a few minutes, we pulled into the parking lot of a much nicer hotel than what I was used to. I doubted they'd let me in the front door with the way _I _looked; a strung out crack-whore. Just the kind of clientele they were looking for, I'm sure.

Fortunately the doors to the rooms were outside. He had parked right in front of his door, so he unlocked the door and we went in.

"My God, Bella, what happened?" Oh, _now_ he feels sorry for me? I don't fucking think so!

"What the fuck do you care? What are you doing here, anyway?" I tried to look as mean as I could, but it wasn't easy. He was still beautiful and I had a killer headache coming on. I wondered if I had anything in my purse I could take. _"I just need a few percs."_

"Jesus, Bella, I'm here for _you_. I came looking for _you_. Why are you living like this?" He sat on the bed and put his face in his hands. He almost looked like he was about to cry. I was having none of it.

"Here for _me_? Why? I don't belong in your world, remember? I'm not good for you, remember? You don't want me! You sure as hell wouldn't want me now! I'm fucking leaving! I have to make some money tonight!"

I turned to storm out the door, but his stupid vampire speed, he was blocking the door. "Don't leave. Bella… I lied. It was a lie, the most blasphemous kind of lie. When I said I didn't love you, and you believed me… I came to find you because I can't live without you any longer. Please don't push me away."

_That _pissed me off. "Are you fucking kidding? You expect me to believe that? It took you _three_ years to figure that out? Get the fuck away from me! I swear to God, if you don't get out of my way, I'll start screaming and someone will come running!"

I saw the fury in his eyes and it scared me. "What? You're going to tell whoever it would be that I tried to rape you? Is that it? Like anyone would believe you dressed like that! You're a fucking whore, Bella!"

I slapped him as hard as I could and immediately regretted it. Not because he didn't deserve it, but because I think I broke my wrist.

"Fuck! Oh, shit! That fucking hurts! Get away from me!" I stumbled into the desk and fell to the floor, screaming and crying.

"God Damn you! Fuck!" I grabbed my purse and frantically searched for anything to help ease the pain.

"Let me see your hand, let's see if anything's broken." I didn't want to, but I let him take my hand. His icy skin felt really good on my wrist. After a minute, he spoke again.

"Nothing's broken, but you're going to have a terrible bruise. Bella, I'm so sorry I said that, I was just… so _mad_. Please, please tell me why you live like this. What happened?"

I was pissed again. "What do you mean 'what happened'? _You_ happened, asshole! You left! You lied to me! For a fucking year you lied to me! You made me believe you loved me! Then you left! I loved you _so _much and you treated me like shit! I hate you!"

I couldn't control the sobs anymore, so I let myself cry. I hadn't cried in a long time. I was usually too high, too numb to feel anything. I didn't want to feel, I wanted to be numb again. _"I _know _I got some percs in here."_

I finally found three percoset in my purse. I threw them in my mouth and chewed them up. That wasn't enough to affect me much, so I kept on digging.

"What was that? Oh my God, you're taking drugs, too. What the hell did I do?" I found two more and quickly threw them in my mouth, too.

"Yeah, well, it's better than facing reality. Today's my birthday, you know. I'm twenty-one, legal. Yippee! Hoo-fucking-rah! Now I can buy my own alcohol. What a fucking joke!"

I laughed and cried at the same time. Edward sat down on the floor next to me and started talking to me like I was three years old.

"Bella, what did you just take? Were you already high? What all have you been taking?" I started laughing again.

"Well, I just chewed up five percoset, I don't remember what I took earlier today. I smoked some stuff, meth I think, Jimmy helped me with the heroin, I was too shaky to hold the needle still enough. Um, maybe some other pills, I don't know. I take whatever I can find before I go to work. It makes it easier."

"Oh God. My God, Bella. You're not going back out there, you're coming with me." I looked up at him, the pain in my wrist feeling a little better already.

"Fuck you." I wasn't going anywhere with him. "I have to be back by four to give Jimmy my earnings. If I don't bring at least two hundred he'll start hitting me. I don't feel like getting the shit beat out of me again, so if you don't mind…"

I stood up and tried to walk to the door. Of course, I tripped over something, my own feet, probably. These hooker heels were going to kill me yet. Before I could hit the floor, Edward had me.

He held my arms tightly and I knew better than to even try to get loose. "You're _not _going back out there, Bella. You're staying with me tonight, even if you don't stay with me from now on, you're not going to continue like this."

When he looked into my eyes, all I could do was cry. He held me close and let me. He was nowhere near forgiven, but I couldn't think anymore. It felt so good to be in his arms again, it felt almost as if no time had passed at all, like maybe it was all just a horrible nightmare.

He felt so good, smelled exactly the way I remembered, even better. It was like I had gone back in time, back to when my life was good, normal. Well, as normal as my life had ever been.

It wasn't a nightmare though, it was my fucking life. I had to get out of here before I said something really stupid. "Edward, I can't stay."

"You can't leave, I won't let you." He still held me close and didn't give me even an inch to move.

"You really want to watch me detox? It's no fun, trust me. I'm feeling better, though, so we can talk if you want." I had finally given in when I heard my phone ringing. I knew by the ring tone it was Jimmy. _"Fuck."_

"Dammit, I don't want to talk to him right now. Maybe if I don't answer he'll think I'm with a john and making him some money."

Edward finally let me go and looked at me. "So, Jimmy's your pimp?" Gee, I always knew he was a smart guy.

"Yeah, he is. He has a wicked temper, too." Jimmy didn't beat me too many times, he rarely had a reason to, but sometimes I think he did just because he had no one else to beat at the moment.

Before I could say 'don't', Edward took my purse and dumped it on the bed. He grabbed the phone and crushed it. I quickly scanned what was laid out on the bed for any pills or bags. Unfortunately, there were none.

"Now, we can talk." He pulled me to sit down on the bed beside him. "When did this start? How long have you been living like this?"

Did I really want to go into this? Did I really want to re-live it? I guess I had to. I hoped I had enough drugs in my system that it wouldn't hurt too much.

"Fine. You really wanna know? After you left, I was depressed. No, depressed doesn't even come close. I wanted to die, but I was too chicken-shit to do it. I hung on for a few months, hoping you'd come back, but you didn't."

"After the new year, Charlie finally snapped. He tried to get me to go Florida and stay with my Mom. He was so pissed, we yelled and screamed at each other, and I took off. I had nowhere to go, so I went to Port Angeles."

"I slept in the truck, when I could actually sleep. That lasted a few days, then Charlie found me. He tried to make me come back home, but I just took off again. I went to Seattle and sold my truck so I wouldn't be so easy to find."

Edward listened intently, not interrupting. Why the _hell_ I was spilling my guts, I couldn't figure out. I wanted him to know, though. I wanted him to know what he did to me, how I wanted to die, how I still wanted to die.

"What did you do then? Without a truck?" I laid down on the bed and continued my story.

"I slept in the park, public bathrooms, it was really cold so I tried to find places indoors. I stayed in shelters when I could. It didn't take long for my first pimp to find me, I don't even remember his name, but he thought I was pretty and could make him some money."

"He gave me a place to stay. I tried to get away with just oral for a while, but when the guy wanted to fuck, I couldn't exactly tell him no, I needed the money. So, it wasn't long before _that _was taken care of."

I felt Edward cringe. He pinched the bridge of his nose, then ran a hand through his hair, pulling on it.

"Oh Bella, God, you lost… to some stranger. I'm so, so sorry. If I had had any idea, if I had known…"

Again, he looked like he wanted to cry. Served him right, so I kept talking. "Well, another one of his girls, Brandi, Britney, or something, she was the one that gave me my first taste of heroin. It was the very first thing I did. I figured, what the hell. She told me it was easier with the johns when you were high, and she was right."

"You know me, I didn't even like to take Tylenol unless I absolutely had to, and here I was, letting some girl I didn't even know stick a needle in my arm. I had to trust that she was giving me what she said she was. Even if she hadn't, dying would have been fine with me."

"I actually tried to od once. I ate, smoked, and shot up everything I could find. Think I was up for about four days. All I could think of when I couldn't sleep that it was just like you. We were both awake, somewhere."

He lied down next to me and looked at me while I stared at the ceiling and told him my story. "So, after that is kind of a blur. I had a few different pimps. One would get killed or arrested, and there was always another one to take over the girls."

"Every night when I went out, I always hoped it would be my last, that maybe some psycho would pick me up, take me somewhere and kill me. I didn't even care if it hurt, physical pain was nothing. I always had enough drugs in my system to help numb it, but my heart always hurt. There was never any getting away from that."

I suddenly remembered the rest of his family. I had missed Alice so much, that was just something else he had taken from me. "So where's everyone else?" I seemed to have interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh, um, the last time I talked to Alice, they were in New York. That was almost a month ago. I assume they're still there. I left them a few weeks after we left Forks. It was… too hard to be around them. I was driving Jasper insane. He couldn't handle the way I was feeling, so I left. Enough about me, keep talking."

"No, that's all there is. So, Alice never saw any of this happening to me? I used to think that she probably did, but none of you cared enough to try to help me." I couldn't help the few tears that fell down my face.

That was the beginning of the end for me, thinking that they must know what had happened to me, but didn't care.

"No, no! If Alice had told me, there was no way I would have let this happen! I told Alice to stop looking for your future and she promised me she would. I wish to God I hadn't made her promise. I could have prevented all this."

He sat up and pulled me up to a sitting position. He held onto the tops of my arms and made me look at him.

"Bella, I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, human life. I thought you would find happiness without me, I thought it would be safer for you. I never, in a million years thought things would go wrong for you."

I started to giggle, then started to laugh. "Well you fucked up, didn't you? Know what? Why don't you just go ahead and put me out of my misery? I'm sure I don't smell as good as I used to, but you ought to get a great buzz from drinking my blood."

"How about it? We can both get what we've wanted for so long. I'm sure I've probably got AIDS or hepatitis or something, so I'm probably dying anyway. Why don't you just help me out? I don't want to hurt anymore, just help me, just once."

Edward continued to look into my eyes. I would have thought my words might have hurt him, just a little, but they didn't seem to. I really wanted to hurt him and I couldn't _physically_, but I wanted him to feel guilty.

It _was_ all his fault. We could have been so happy, if he would have just changed me, if he would have just loved me the way I loved him, everything would have been perfect.

"Bella, even if I _could_ kill you, I wouldn't. I love you, I can't let you go now. I know you know that. There's no way you're going back to that life. If you don't want me, fine, but you're going to detox, then rehab, then you're going to finish school and go to college, and I won't let you argue with me. You're too good for this Bella. This isn't what you were meant to be."

He was crazy, there was no way I would let him do all that. I didn't want to live. "So, you're saying you love me? You always loved me?"

He smiled slightly. "Yes, Bella. I love you. I always have and I always will. I came to find you and beg your forgiveness. I had no idea that you'd be living like this. I was going to find you, but if you were happy, I'd have left you alone. You aren't happy though, and I need you. I need you so much, there's no way I can convey just how much I need you. Please, please come with me. I'll change you, if you want. I'll do whatever you want. It's all up to you."

I felt a few more tears fall. They were such pretty words, but I couldn't trust them. "I'm not the same anymore. I'm used up, ruined, broken. How could you possibly want me? Me, and I don't know _how _many men, have abused my body. I've poisoned myself with I don't know how many kinds of drugs, and I'm worthless now."

"I'll never be good enough for you. Please, just put me out of my misery. I'll always be an addict. I can't survive without these drugs. I'm a horrible, terrible person. I've let everyone down. Charlie, Mom, all my friends, even you. Just… I can't do this anymore."

Edward pulled me close again and held me as I sobbed. I could never deserve him, even if he thought I did. He was so fucking wrong. "No, don't say that. I love you, I'll prove it. You say you're not good enough for me and I say I'm not good enough for you. There's no point in arguing. I love you. Do you still love me?"

He let me go and we stared at each other for a few minutes, or a few hours, I didn't know. What a stupid question! Of course I loved him, but could I tell him that? Would he really change me? Did I really want that?

Maybe I would let fate decide. I couldn't think any more, so I decided that whatever happened, happened. I had a knife I kept in my boot in case of emergencies, and I would use it now. Apparently, he still couldn't read my mind, otherwise he would have stopped me.

"Edward… I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Alright, love. I'll be here." I got off of the bed and headed toward the bathroom.

I had never had the guts before, but I was determined now. He was here and this was my last chance. I was sure I would die soon anyway, either from a drug overdose, a psycho john, or a psycho pimp. I _would _have the guts tonight.

I knew as soon as I broke my flesh, he would smell it, so I had to make it count the first time. I closed the bathroom door and took the switchblade from my boot. I flicked it open and felt the edge of the knife, it was very sharp and it made me smile.

Tonight would be the end, no matter what happened. Either he would drain me dry, or I would wake up a vampire, I didn't care which. I couldn't live this way anymore. All I had been focusing on for years now was where my next fix would come from, and I didn't want to do it anymore.

I held up my good wrist and looked at my arm. I saw all the little holes that were now scars, all the bruises from various people for various reasons, and knew I was doing the right thing.

I took a deep breath, took the knife in my sore hand, and with all the strength I had left, I pushed the blade into my skin, right between the tendons where I could feel my pulse.

Before I even felt the pain, I screamed. I screamed in anger, in sorrow, in joy that it was finally over.

The bathroom door flew open as I watched the blood pour down my arm.

"Bella! What have you done?" All I could do was laugh.

"Here! Take it! I don't want it anymore! Take it all! Just kill me! Please!" I felt Edward pick me up and carry me to the bed as I laughed and cried.

I laughed because I was so happy I had finally done it, I cried because I loved Edward so much and this might be the last time I ever saw him.

I felt myself get light-headed, I was about to pass out. It was time to die, finally there would be peace.

"I… I love you, Edward." Everything went black and I was finally at peace.

**Reviews are love! Click it! You know you want to!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, I **_**was**_** done with this, but I couldn't help but think about what Edward would do next, so this is from his point of view, after Bella cut herself. Oh yeah, these characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer, but I love them anyway!**

Something told me that I shouldn't let Bella be alone, but I couldn't exactly follow her into the bathroom.

Besides, there was nothing in there she could hurt herself with, unless she wanted to bludgeon herself with a hair dryer.

I sat on the bed and waited anxiously. I needed her to come back out. I wished like hell that I could know what she was thinking.

She never answered my question, I didn't know if she still loved me, but I felt like she did.

Then I heard the scream and smelled the blood. I knocked the bathroom door off the hinges to get to her.

When I saw her, she had a knife in her right hand and her left arm was bleeding; _a_ _lot. _She had cut an artery and she would be unconscious soon.

"Bella! What have you done?" I was furious! I wanted to scream, to cry, to knock some sense into that muddled brain of hers!

She started laughing and pushing her arm in my direction.

"Here! Take it! I don't want it anymore! Take it all! Just kill me! Please!" She _had_ to know I wouldn't let her die!

She had finally forced my hand, but at least she couldn't go back to that way of life now.

I picked her up and carried her to the bed while she continued to laugh maniacally. Tears ran down her face, she was hysterical and only a minute from passing out.

Her eyes started to flutter closed. "I… I love you, Edward."

My dead heart was finally whole again. She loved me! My God! She _loved_ me!

I went to work on her arm. She was right about several things. There _was_ disease in her blood, though I couldn't tell which one.

I also felt a little strange, dizzy, from the little bit of her blood I had ingested. There was no telling how many chemicals were in her blood stream.

I finished with her left arm and I thought I should get more venom into her. My logic was, the more venom, the faster the change would occur. I prayed I was right.

I moved to her right wrist, sealed the wound, then to her neck. I sealed the final wound then sat up and stared at her.

She looked peaceful, she looked dead, but her heart still beat.

In fact, it beat slow and steady, the calmest I'd heard it tonight. I wondered if she was in pain, how long she would sleep, if she really would survive.

My phone vibrated and I pulled it from my pocket to see a text message from Alice:

I'll be there before sunrise. She'll sleep soundly til tomorrow afternoon. Thank God you found her. I'll save the I-told-you-so until she's well.

Yes, psychics were definitely handy to have around. I closed my phone and looked to Bella again. Alice's words had reassured me that Bella would be fine.

She was dirty; she would want to be clean. I should wash her.

I was glad to see a big Jacuzzi tub, we would both fit easily. It would make it much easier to wash her.

As the water ran I found soap, shampoo, a wash cloth and towels. I sat the tiny bottles on the side of the tub.

Bella was still passed out. I took a minute to decide how I would accomplish this. I got undressed first then went over to the bed.

I ripped the filthy clothes from her body, not caring if I tore them. She would never wear them again.

When she was naked I looked down at her and the irony was not lost on me. This was most certainly _not _how I had imagined our first time seeing each other naked would be.

Well, she hadn't seen me. I made myself look away.

I carried her to the bathroom and lowered us into the warm water. I sat her between my legs and leaned her back against my chest.

I sat and held her for a few minutes. I had thought she was fragile before, but now… now she felt like a dried up twig, so easily snapped. I could feel her bones trying to poke through her skin.

I took the wash cloth and poured soap on it and began to wash her. I started with her right arm. The bruise was already starting to show on her palm and wrist.

Under different circumstances it would have made me laugh. Silly girl should have known better than to try and hit me, but nothing would make me laugh, or even smile, today.

I washed her arm and noticed the healing bruises and track marks on her skin. I saw the bite James had left on her. I got mad at him all over again even though he had been dead for years.

I wished I could cry, that she _could_ hurt me. I deserved some sort of punishment.

Her left arm was even worse. There were so many scars from needles. There was a mass of scar tissue in the bend of her arm where she had injected herself so many times.

My venom would take care of it and all her other scars except for the ones _caused_ by the venom.

I tried not to look too closely any more as I continued to wash her. Her neck, shoulders, and ribs felt like straw to me.

She had lost so much weight that she was almost completely flat-chested. My poor angel had been starving. I wanted to smack myself in the head for not making her eat something before.

I leaned her forward to wash her back. Her ribs and vertebrae showed so plainly under her skin that I could have counted them.

I knew she was clumsy, but these bruises were _not_ from falling. If I ever found out who had been hitting her, they would die, _slowly_.

As I washed her hair, I pretended she just had her eyes closed because she was enjoying my touch.

I had imagined bathing with her like this many times and it always ended with us making love. This was a complete mockery of my fantasy and it pained me to my bones.

I decided to lean her forward over the side of the tub to wash the lower half of her body.

I wasn't surprised to find more bruises on her legs and track marks on her feet, but what did shock me were the several inches of faint, white, straight lines of scars from her ankle up the inside of her leg.

There were the same kinds of scars on her other leg. They looked like they were done with a razor and I had no doubt she had done it to herself.

I was such an arrogant, obnoxious fool! _I_ had given her this death sentence! She would have been better off if I had killed her the first day I met her! At least she wouldn't have suffered.

I had caused her so much pain and misery in my quest to save her that I condemned her to hell. I would spend eternity trying to make it up to her.

But, what if she didn't want me after all this? What if she hated me for making her like me? Perhaps she really had wanted to die and I wouldn't let her.

Well, I'd cross that bridge later, if I had to. I had to hope for the best now. At the very least I would have to stay with her for at least her first year to teach her what she needed to know and protect the human race from her.

Or maybe she would kill me; she'd certainly be able to. I probably wouldn't even fight back or try to defend myself. I certainly deserved it.

The last part of her that needed washing was her face. I was glad to be getting the horrid paint off her face. She wore enough for three women and she didn't need any of it. She was naturally beautiful.

As I removed the stuff from her face, I could see why she had put it on so thickly; to hide bruises. Her right cheek had a yellowing bruise on it, probably a week or more old.

The bruise on her left cheek was still blue. I didn't think my heart could have broken any more, but I was so wrong. It made me so mad, furious, but it would have to wait. She needed me now.

I carried her to the bed and dried her off while she lay there. She looked like a corpse. If it weren't for the sound of her heart, I would have completely lost my mind.

I purposely didn't look at her as I dried her off and quickly covered her with the bedspread. I got dressed and lied down next to her to watch her sleep like I used to do.

This time, however, she didn't move a muscle or make a sound. Her heart and lungs were the only parts of her that moved at all.

I knew the venom was slowly killing her, that it would take her human life, possibly her soul, and replace it with a different kind of existence.

I reminded myself that she would be more beautiful than before, stronger than she had ever been, and indestructible. It was what I had always secretly wished for and loathed myself for it.

There was nothing to do now but wait. It was nearly four in the morning now and I remembered that Bella had said she was supposed to meet her pimp now.

I knew there was no way he would find her, probably wouldn't even spend much time searching, but _oh_ how I wished he would find her here so I could kill him.

I would make him suffer unimaginably. He would _beg_ for death before I gave it to him.

Maybe Bella would want to exact her own revenge, like Rosalie. I would support her completely and I would probably go with her just to watch. How I would _love_ to watch him suffer at her hand.

I looked down at her again and wondered if she would have any special gifts. She was going to be a glorious vampire, gifts or not.

My heartache was slowly turning into anticipation. In the few hours that had passed, her bruises had significantly faded and her skin already looked smoother.

I reached out to touch her face and she felt incredibly hot. It reminded me of the burning during my own transformation. I could only pray that her silence meant that she wasn't suffering like I had.

Alice finally walked through the door around five-thirty. Bella hadn't even so much as twitched in her sleep. I rose from the bed to greet Alice. We embraced as she spoke.

"Oh my God, Edward! It's going to be okay. I can't believe I kept my promise to you, I shouldn't have." She let go of me and I her. "Well, that life is over for her, thank God."

Maybe Alice would be able to tell me if Bella would hate me or not when she woke up. God, I hoped so. "Alice, can you see if she'll want me still when she wakes up?"

She frowned and my heart sank. "No, I can't tell. She's unconscious, she can't make a decision. I can only see that she'll start screaming tomorrow afternoon, but it won't last too long."

"She won't really wake up until the day after tomorrow. We'll have to take her somewhere else, somewhere safe. I suppose we could drive her to New York so she could be around the family when she wakes."

"It'll take about a day and she'll be screaming on and off, but I think that's really all we can do. You should go check out while I get her dressed and into the car."

"Jasper's waiting in the Porsche, we can put her in your car. Do you want to drive or do you want me to?"

Well, I was grateful that she already had everything figured out. "I think you should drive."

**So, maybe I'll write another chapter about what happens when she finally wakes up. Maybe even write two different versions… one where she's mad and one where she's not. I dunno, I have to strike when the inspiration hits me. **


	3. Chapter 3

The ride to New York had been nightmarish. Bella's screams were terrifying. I couldn't possibly compare my pain to hers but it was pure hell not being able to ease her pain.

I hadn't seen my family in over a year and, despite the circumstances, it was good to see them again.

Esme was, of course, thrilled to have the family together again, especially with the hope that Bella would join us.

They were all very sure that Bella would be a part of our family, but I didn't dare get my hopes up. After everything that had happened, I deserved her hatred. I had no right to expect that she would still love me when she woke up.

It was only a couple of hours until Alice predicted she would awaken and everyone was anxious and excited. Even Rosalie was grateful after I explained to everyone what Bella had been doing for the past three years.

I sat in a chair next to the bed where Bella lay. She was quiet again and probably would be until she woke up.

There was a good chance she would hear me if I spoke, but there was so much I wanted to say, I had no clue where to begin.

Mostly, I just wanted to apologize, over and over again until she would finally get sick of hearing it. She would never know just how sorry I was. I would never forgive myself and I wouldn't blame her if she didn't either.

Alice came in, stood by my chair and smiled down at Bella. "Isn't she dazzling, Edward? She's perfect!"

Yes, she was perfect and I loved her with every cell of my being. If she rejected me… I just didn't know what I would do.

"Would you please stop worrying? She never stopped loving you just like you never stopped loving her. Honestly, I'm shocked you could stay away from her for so long. You know she was going to die soon anyway, right? In fact, I'd say you found her in the nick of time."

I didn't look at her as I replied, I could only look at Bella. "Yes, I tasted it in her blood. I knew she wasn't healthy when I first saw her, but I didn't realize she was dying. I killed her you know."

"Edward, don't. You saved her."

I turned to glare at her. "I drove her to this! She was depressed, suicidal, and it was all because of me!"

I looked down at my hands, crying tears that would never flow. "She was doomed from the moment I saw her. She was as good as dead the second she set foot on that campus. Why, Alice? What had she done to deserve that? What could have possibly happened that marked her for death that way?"

I almost choked on my words, I could hardly breathe. Alice knelt next to me, took my hands and looked me straight in the eye.

"Did you ever think maybe you've been fighting fate? Isn't it possible that she was _meant _to be with us? You saw the vision as clearly as I did. As cheesy as it might sound, she's your soul mate, Edward. You know it as well as the rest of us do. Maybe if you hadn't fought so hard, everything would have been fine."

"She could have been changed after graduation, you would have gotten married, you wouldn't still be the oldest living virgin in the history of the world…"

She was trying to lighten the mood, but it only served to remind me of how Bella had lost her virginity and I sobbed even harder.

I heard the door open and I immediately started to feel better. Of course, it was Jasper. I appreciated his help. I was able to speak again, thanks to his influence.

"You know, she told me that once, that I was fighting fate trying to keep her alive. She was joking at the time, but I suppose she was right. If I hadn't been so damn stubborn…"

I turned back to Bella and took her hand in mine. "Do you hear that, Bella? I was wrong, you were right all along. I'm such a fool, a stubborn, foolish old man. If I had just listened to you… I thought I was so smart, but I'm the biggest fool to ever live. I made your life hell trying to do what I thought was best. I'm so sorry, so, so sorry, Bella!"

I started to sob again and I heard Jasper whisper to Alice, "I'm sorry, baby, I can't help him anymore. It's too much." Then he left the room.

Alice turned to me. I could hear it in her thoughts; she was tired of my wallowing in self-pity, fed up with my attitude and she was about to lay into me, and I would take it. I deserved it. I wished she would do more to make me suffer.

"Listen to me Edward Anthony, you buck up, right now! I know you're sorry, she knows you're sorry, the whole damn country knows you're sorry! She needs you now! You can't change the past, so stop it! She'll be awake in an hour and eleven minutes, so it's time to put your big boy pants on and be the man she needs you to be!"

"She _loves_ you, and even if she hates you for a while, that's okay, too. You have an eternity to try to get her to change her mind. She's here with us now, where she belongs."

"Do _not_ make us all miserable with your brooding! Do you understand me? This is a happy day for the rest of us, so jump on the bandwagon or leave!"

She turned away from me and went to the opposite side of the bed and started talking to Bella. "Bella, you're so beautiful! I can't wait to see your reaction to your reflection! I missed you so much!"

"Oh, and I _will _take you shopping, eventually, so don't even try to argue. We're moving to Maine after the first of the year. You'll love it! I tried to talk Carlisle into somewhere in Europe, but apparently they're having a bit of a black bear problem in that particular area, so maybe you'll like it there…"

Alice kept on talking; about bears, snow, shopping… she was trying to keep Bella calm as she slowly came into consciousness. It was what _I _should have been doing. Despite Alice's earlier tongue-lashing, however, I was still so worried that Bella would hate me.

The hour passed slowly and we had already decided that everyone in the room might be too overwhelming when she first awoke, so it would be me, Alice and Carlisle.

Carlisle had jokingly promised that if Bella tried to kill me when she came around that he and Alice could hold her while I escaped. I could tell from his thoughts, though, that he _did_ consider it a possibility.

It was just the four of us and Alice continued to babble to Bella. I sat there wringing my hands, looking back and forth between Bella and the clock on the wall.

Only three more minutes remained. I started to feel nauseous. If I had had anything in my stomach, I was sure it would be on the floor now.

What would I say when she woke up? Maybe I should tell her one last time that I loved her before she could retaliate. I would first have to interrupt Alice.

"Alice, can I talk to her?" She stopped abruptly and smiled at me.

"_Took you long enough. _Sure, you have seventy-two seconds." She backed away from the bed, but stayed close by.

"Bella… baby… I just wanted to tell you one more time, before you wake up and kick my ass, that I love you. I hope you believe me and even if it's too late for us to be together because of my stupidity, that I'll always love you. Even if it's from afar, I'll never stop loving you. I'll understand if you hate me, but I love you."

Her eyelids started to flutter and I could no longer speak. I held my breath as she slowly opened her eyes. I backed away a step, partly so I wouldn't startle her and partly because I was genuinely afraid of what she would do.

I knew her eyes would be red, but it was still shocking to see. She looked up at me with her bright red eyes and in an instant she was out of bed, backed up to the wall, and in a defensive crouch. I had expected this and almost laughed out loud that she _finally _did something I expected.

"Bella… love… it's okay, you're safe. No one's going to hurt you." She glanced around the room, first taking note of me, Alice, then Carlisle. She seemed to consider us for a moment then stood up.

"Where…" her voice was beautiful, angelic, and it seemed to have surprised her. I couldn't help but smile. "Where am I? Where are we?"

Nobody moved toward her, but we all relaxed a little. "You're in our house on Long Island. In New York. How are you feeling?"

No sooner had he finished his sentence than she was standing in front of me. "You… you bit me."

I couldn't tell by her tone if she was mad or not, so I backed up a step as I answered. "Yes. I did." I didn't know if apologizing was the right thing to do.

She closed the space between us. "I was dying… I was supposed to die." I backed up again. I definitely had the feeling she was about to hit me.

"I couldn't let you die, I love you." I hoped speaking to her quietly would help her stay calm. Once again, she took a step toward me.

"You saved me." Well, that was better. Maybe she wouldn't be mad after all.

As I finished that very thought, I felt the force of a cannonball hit me in the face and I hit the wall that had just been seven feet behind me.

The plaster shattered and the wood splintered, and I sat on my ass in the dust, bewildered and confused. Then I heard her shriek.

"That's for calling me a fucking _whore!_ That's for the living _hell _you put me through! You stupid, self-righteous _asshole!"_ Her screaming shook the walls and I jumped back up, ready to defend myself.

Carlisle and Alice were already standing on either side of Bella, holding her arms when everyone in the house came running through the door. It caught Bella off guard and she poised to strike again.

Everyone stood still, assessing the situation, including Bella. Leave it to Emmett to break the silence.

"Damn girl! You are _bad-ass! _Pay up, Jaz!" I couldn't believe Em bet against me! He won, though, so I couldn't be _too _mad with him.

Thanks to Jasper, everyone stayed calm, Bella included. I had a feeling those two might be attached at the hip for a while if she was going to be mad at me.

Bella relaxed her stance and so did Carlisle and Alice, but they didn't leave her side. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I broke your house. I didn't mean to."

"It's alright, Bella. It was an accident." Carlisle spoke to her as if he were consoling a small child.

I paid careful attention to the thoughts around me.

-Carlisle thought: "You've got your hands full with this one, son."

- Esme thought: "I'm sure you can fix my wall in no time."

-Alice thought: "We're going to be best friends again!"

-Rosalie thought: "Serves him right, fucking jerk."

-Emmett thought: "She is _so _gonna kick your ass!"

-Jasper thought: "I'll do my best to keep her calm, but it might not be easy."

If only I knew what _Bella _was thinking! Carlisle spoke to her again. "Are you okay? Do you want Edward to leave?"

_What? Me? Leave? _I was _not_ leaving! "No, no. I'm okay now. I promise not to hit him again."

"You gonna kick him next time? We should take this outside, you don't wanna destroy the house!" Rosalie smacked Emmett in the shoulder and Jasper began to laugh. Surprisingly, Bella did too.

"No, I promise not to hurt him, or anyone else. I'll be good now." She began to slowly walk toward me. She looked like she was trying not to spook me. It was kind of funny, but I wouldn't dare laugh right now, she might knock my jaw off.

"Edward… I won't do it again." She kept moving toward me and everyone let me know they'd help me if need be. "You deserved that slap, though. I won't apologize for that." Rosalie suddenly had a whole new respect for Bella.

"Yes, I did. What you said is true, I _did _deserve it. I deserve _more. _I'll never be able to make it up to you, I'll never be able to say I'm sorry enough times, but I swear to you, I'll spend the rest of my days trying. If you don't want…"

Her hand was suddenly covering my mouth. "That's enough. I'm already tired of hearing it. I know you're sorry. The whole damn country knows you're sorry." She smiled toward Alice.

"I could never _really _hate you. I love you. Just, don't do anything else for my own good again. Okay?"

She removed her hand and I smiled. "I won't, I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry I took so long to update, but I was finally inspired again. I don't think there will be any more chapters after this, this story seems done to me. Thank you to everyone who gave reviews! Anytime I get a review, it feels like Christmas! Don't worry, though, I have more pervy ideas in my brain. :-) So, Stephenie Meyer owns these characters, yada, yada... **

BPOV

I had been a vampire for only a week, but I had never been happier. I finally felt normal, like I _fit_ here. My human memories were blurry, but I could remember always feeling out of place.

Edward was still apologizing and I was going to hurt him soon if he didn't stop. He was an excellent teacher, however. He took me hunting every night and helped me work on doing things at a human pace.

He assured me I was doing an extraordinary job. I could even sometimes manage to eat without making a big, bloody mess.

The only thing I wasn't happy about was our love-life, or lack thereof. I felt so guilty about my past that I didn't know what to say to him. We had kissed and touched, but he never tried anything more.

I was afraid that he didn't want me after I had been with so many men. He knew I had never cared for any of them, I didn't know if that would make it better or worse in his eyes.

We had gotten back from hunting a couple of hours ago and we were in our room. Edward was reading and I was trying to work up the nerve to talk to him about my fears. I needed to know one way or the other.

He was lying on the bed while he read and I decided now was the time, so I sat down next to him. He put his book down and smiled up at me. "So, whatcha' wanna do? Are you okay? You seem nervous."

"I am. I need to talk to you about something." He sat up and took my hands in his. I didn't doubt his love, but I wanted more.

"What is it, love? You can tell me anything." Well, it was go time. I couldn't back out now.

"I was wondering... we haven't... you don't seem... shit." I didn't know how to say it. I felt like damaged goods. How could he want me that way after I'd been had so many times by so many men? _He_ was supposed to be my first and now that was impossible.

I should have kept my mouth shut. I was embarrassed, but at least I couldn't blush. "Bella, baby, it's okay. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. Please tell me, you've got me worried now."

He pulled me close and rubbed my back. Maybe it would be easier to say it if I wasn't looking at him. I laid my head on his chest and tried again.

"_Dammit, just say it. _You don't want to make love." There, it was out there and it was done. I couldn't take it back now.

He gently pushed me away so he could look at me. "What on earth gave you that idea? Of course I do! I just thought... you've been through so much. I was waiting for you to tell me when _you_ were ready. I'm still shocked you don't hate me."

"I could never _hate_ you, Edward. I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone. It's just... I'm not a virgin anymore." I felt like I wanted to cry. I tried to speak and it came out as barely a whisper. "I'm a whore."

"Don't _ever_ say that again! You're _not!"_ I was shocked at his tone, he sounded so mad. He calmed himself when he noticed the alarm on my face.

"Bella, that was my fault, not yours. I don't blame you _at all._ Besides, I'm not in love with your virginity, I'm in love with _you._ Even if you hadn't been a virgin when we met, it wouldn't have mattered to me. I've always _wanted_ you, Bella. From the moment I first spoke to you, I wanted you. For something other than your blood, that is."

He smiled then and I felt better. I was so happy I had finally said something. "Really? So... maybe... soon..." I let the invitation hang there, hoping he'd take the hint.

"Bella, nothing would please me more than to undress you and worship your body the way you deserve." His sweet words combined with the way he was looking at me had my stomach doing flips and my nether regions feeling tingly.

"Well, what's stopping you?" I was trying my best to look sexy and apparently it was working. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

Our lips met and our breath mingled. It was no longer soft flesh pressed against marble, hot meeting cold. We were perfectly matched now and could let our tongues explore each others mouths in a way we never could before.

I had never been kissed like this by anyone other than Edward and I was beyond happy that there were still things to share with him that I had never shared with anyone else. I wanted him to know, _needed _him to know. "Edward," I sighed as he began to kiss down my neck.

"Hmm..."

"You know, you're the only man I've ever kissed. I mean _really_ kissed."

He looked at me and smiled. "You're the only woman I've ever really kissed. I'm glad we have that in common."

His reaction to my news made me want to tell him more. "There's actually a lot of things I've never done... sexually, I mean. Does that surprise you?" He looked at me thoughtfully and I wondered if maybe I had pressed the issue and fucked everything up.

"Yes... and no. There's a lot I _hope_ you haven't done. People do some really sick things in their pursuit of pleasure. I guess you need to elaborate." He didn't _seem_ upset, so I decided I could elaborate a little.

I laid back on the bed and he followed suit. We faced each other and he moved his hand up and down my arm slowly while I fidgeted with the collar of his shirt. "Well, I never enjoyed it. I've never even had an orgasm."

His mouth fell open and his hand stopped moving. He stared at me a few moments before speaking. "Never? You never even... did it yourself?"

I was _so_ happy I couldn't blush right now! "No, never. After you left, I never wanted to and before you left I didn't get much 'alone time.' So... if you can do _that_, you'll be the only one who ever has." It was a huge relief to see him smile.

"Well, it embarrasses me to say it, but I've done it myself a few times, but I was always thinking of you." I found that hard to believe.

"What? You're telling me that for eighty or so years you didn't... do that? Come _on!_ You're a _guy!_ In a seventeen year old body no less! You're lying." He started laughing, but I didn't. I thought he was just trying to make me feel better.

"I am _not!_ Of course, I don't remember much from my human days, but since I started _this_ life, no one had ever... _inspired_ me like you did."

"Wow. That's... unbelievable. I guess that makes me pretty special." I finally returned his smile. I supposed I believed him. He laid his hand on my cheek.

"Absolutely. Very, _very_ special." He closed the small distance between us and kissed me again. The way he kissed me was the most pleasurable thing I could remember ever feeling. I hoped, however, that soon he would give me even more. At least I had learned how to give a good blow job in my former life.

"I hope I'm up to the challenge. I'll certainly try my best. I might need a little instruction, though. I've never given anyone an orgasm," he whispered against my lips.

"Don't worry, I have a sneaking suspicion that you're a natural. You're good at _everything_ you try, why should that be any different? Besides, with the way you kiss me, you're already _well_ on your way to your first, and so am I."

We kissed again, with more passion than I'd ever felt before. We pulled at each others clothing, slowly uncovering smooth skin and I was so turned on, I barely knew what to do. I didn't remember ever feeling this way before and it was insanely exciting.

His shirt came off first; he was even more beautiful than I remembered. My human eyes couldn't even see how truly gorgeous he was. He was perfect in every way, from purely physical things like his perfect musculature and beautiful face, to the most important things, like his kind heart and gentle soul.

Oh, and the way he touched me! It was as if he had been given an owner's manual to my body and he had it memorized.

He had started to remove my shirt, so I sat up to take it off. When I grabbed the bottom of it to pull it over my head, he stopped me. "Bella, are you sure want to do this now? You know everyone will hear us, right?" Was he fucking kidding?

"Baby, I know that everyone can hear us _right now_ if they care to listen and I really don't care. Right this moment, I wouldn't care if they were in the same _room_. If _you_ don't want them to hear, then we need to go somewhere else because if we don't get naked soon, I'm gonna lose my mind."

He laughed at me and pulled my shirt off. "Well, we can't have you losing your mind! Your wish, my command." He pushed me back down on the bed and kissed me, _hard._ It was the roughest he'd been with me yet, and I _loved_ it.

As he kissed me, he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, unhooked my bra, and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Had I been human, it would have seemed like a magic trick, it had happened so fast. Since I wasn't, I didn't miss a thing.

I pulled the bra from my body and he pulled off my jeans. He left a trail of kisses down my neck to my breasts and I could feel how damp my panties were once exposed to the cool air around us.

To my horror, I could smell it, too, so I knew Edward would be able to. It was incredibly embarrassing until I heard the low growling emanating from the back of his throat.

"Oh, God, Bella! You smell so... fucking... good..." he mumbled into my chest. "Fuck! I have to get inside you." I couldn't believe how his words affected me! I needed him that moment so badly that I felt I would die within minutes if he didn't hurry the hell up.

When he _finally_ swirled his tongue around my nipple and pulled it into his mouth, I clutched his hair and gasped so loudly that I'd have been embarrassed if it hadn't felt so good. I held him so tightly that I knew he couldn't move if he had wanted to.

His hand moved to my other breast and he massaged and rolled my nipple between his fingers and I swore I was already on the verge of coming. "Fuck baby! God, that feels good! Jesus, Edward!"

He continued to manipulate my body and I made all kinds of noises I had never made before. I wondered if it would have felt this good when I was human or if this felt so amazing because I was a vampire.

I loosened my grip because I was ready for him to be inside me and I needed him to move. When I felt his free hand move to my still covered pussy, my hips involuntarily bucked toward him and my own growl startled me.

He moved to my neck and kept rubbing my clit through my panties. "Please... jeans... off... inside... now..." Even to myself I sounded like such a wanton slut and I hoped Edward didn't think so.

"So wet... holy mother..." He had his jeans off in half a second, but slowed down when he got to taking my panties off. I didn't want slow! What the hell?

"Edward! C'mon! You're killing me!" He laughed lightly and smiled down at me.

"You won't die, I promise. There's something... I want to try."

"Jesus Christ! What?" I had no patience for games at the moment and he was really pushing his luck! I was a crazy, out-of-control, newborn vampire and he wanted to _try something!_

He ripped my panties from my body so fast that I gasped; then I moaned like the slut I had become. His fingers glided over my wet flesh and he leaned down and whispered into my ear, "I want to taste you."

I thought I would hyperventilate! I tried to catch my breath enough to speak. "I've never... no one's ever done that to me." I felt more than saw the smile form on his lips.

"Good. I'm the only one who _ever_ will." We kissed again and I was frantic. So much so that I think I almost bit his tongue. If he knew what was good for him, he'd hurry the fuck up!

He broke the kiss and said one last thing before he moved down my body. "Bella, do _not_ pull my hair out. Alright?"

"'Kay." I grabbed hold of the comforter I was lying on and bunched it up in my fists. It seemed like forever, but in another second he was between my legs, teasing me with his tongue.

He had hold of my thighs, I assumed in an attempt to hold me still. I tried my best to stay still enough so as not to interrupt, but it was _very_ difficult. When his tongue dipped between my folds, he let out the loudest growl I'd heard yet, which just about made me lose it.

I ripped the bit of comforter I had in my right hand as I practically screamed at the pleasure he was giving me. He kept on moaning as he licked around my clit and, I wasn't _sure_, but I thought I must be close to orgasm. I couldn't fathom how it was going to feel any better than it already did.

I growled, moaned, sighed, and begged for relief. I felt his fingers enter me as he continued to suck and nibble on me and I was _certain_ I couldn't feel any better than _that!_ I didn't know exactly what he did or how he did it, but he found what I assumed was my g-spot and I was instantly seeing stars.

My muscles seized and spasm-ed and I screamed through my very first orgasm, ever. He was relentless, he kept rubbing that place inside of me and sucking on my clit and I just kept on screaming.

When he finally finished me off, I felt like I couldn't move. He kissed me before I could tell him no. It wasn't a bad taste at all, so I just kissed him back.

He pulled away and smiled at me. "Congratulations on your first orgasm." It was just so funny, the way he said it, and I started laughing.

"Well, thank you, but it was all thanks to _you._ I told you you were a natural. You should never doubt me again."

"I never will, _ever._ God, I loved that! I could do that all day." I finally thought to look down and see his erection, and my God, what a sight!

I knew I had been high most times and my memories were fuzzy, but I swore he had the biggest cock I'd ever seen! I couldn't keep my hands off any longer. I reached down and wrapped my hand around him and slowly stroked.

His eyes closed and he moaned. He'd never looked sexier. "There's no doubt, you have _mad_ oral skills, but what if I wanted _this? _Would you deny me?"

I ran my thumb over the head, which earned me another growl. What an amazing sound that was! "I would never deny you _anything_ my love. Is that what you want?"

"More than anything." He kissed me while he grabbed my legs and pulled them around his body to encircle his hips.

"Your wish, my command," he repeated and pushed into me. We both groaned when he entered me and even what he did to me before couldn't compare to the feeling of him being inside me.

He filled me completely, stretching me to my limit. Any little movement, even a twitch, sent all kinds of wondrous sensations through my body. "Edward! God! Oh, God!"

He moved slowly at first, moaning his words to me. "Holy... God, you're tight! Fuck, you feel so good!" He made love to me and it was _glorious._

If I had had tears, they'd have been rolling down my face. They would be tears of absolute joy and pure pleasure. I felt so loved and so desired... I never, in a million years, imagined anything as good as this existed, that I could _ever_ feel this way.

He came pretty quick the first time, but I soon discovered another benefit of being a vampire; we don't get tired. It only slowed him down for a fraction of a second. He came twice more before we were done and I stopped counting after five. My life was absolutely _perfect._


End file.
